Maternal and Paternal Therapy

Grow up, go to college, get a job, fall in love, and kids—that’s what was supposed to happen; that’s what everyone said would happen. And you did it, for the most part. But now, the having babies part is not quite all it was cracked up to be. Everyone talks about this pregnancy glow and the beauty of birth but it does not always feel that way. Maybe it was the part where you did not feel that instant connection with your little one when they were placed on your chest for skin-to-skin contact. Or maybe it is the endless nights of not sleeping, compounded by the lack of energy all day, and who knows when was the last time you remembered to shower? Did you even eat today?

Having children can be a complicated mixture of terror and joy, expectations and surprises. Whose features will they pick up? What kind of parent will you be? How will this affect your relationships? When will you ever get some sleep? Or alone time? Will you raise your children the way your parents raised you? Why is everyone so offended if you don’t do the same thing they did? No one warned you how much energy such a tiny little human requires or how having kids affects sex and intimacy. Do kids understand the meaning of “sick leave”?

As your attention is consumed and your energy drained, your relationship may take a back seat. Having a baby can trigger old childhood traumas that you thought were buried deep down. Even more recent traumas like IVF cycles that failed, whether from the start or within weeks of implantation. Therapy can address adjusting to the changes being experienced within your body and mind, for both mothers and fathers to be. Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders, often lumped together under Postpartum Depression, are real and can be triggered before your baby is born. Therapy will support you as you go through social changes as well as the changes in your family roles and dynamic.

Lets work on how we can keep you, your child, and your relationship thriving.

Baby Blues or PMADs?

Have you heard of either of these terms? If you haven’t, don’t worry; people rarely talk about these when we talk about pregnancy. Everyone loves to talk about the baby shower and cute stuff but it takes courage to talk about the complications. Baby blues is that restless, sad, and even anxious feeling you may get a few days after delivery. Approximately 80% of people experience baby blues and this can last a couple of weeks. It has nothing to do with age, race, religion, culture, level of education, income, none of that. And it is nothing you did wrong. It is incredibly common, but rarely talked about. Fortunately, it disappears on its own. Thus the “blue;” you may feel more unlike yourself, grumpy, and/or emotional, it will pass. But what if it does not pass?

That’s when we start to get into PMAD territory. What even is PMAD? We have become very familiar with the term Postpartum Depression; it’s made appearances on all kinds of TV shows, movies, social media posts, etc. PMAD is a fairly new acronym that allows for the inclusion of not just depression, but also anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, mood disorders, and psychosis that can occur. PMAD stands for Perinatal or Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders.

The post in postpartum implies that this only happens after having a baby, but these symptoms can start during pregnancy. Some may experience symptoms early in pregnancy, some shortly after birth, and some even a year after delivery. It is not only something experienced by the delivering person, partners can experience it as well, as can adoptive parents. But not all is doom and gloom.

Therapy is essential in the treatment of PMAD. The treatment for anxiety will differ from the treatment from depression, and unfortunately many medical care providers can miss the signs of postpartum anxiety, attributing it to hormones or labeling it postpartum depression, leaving new parents with inappropriate care. Just as you would not go to a dermatologist for skincare, it is important to find a therapist that specializes in PMADs in order to get the appropriate treatment for you.

As research develops and we learn more about perinatal mental health, we are seeing more ways in which therapy can be essential for both new and veteran parents. Therapy can address the biological changes being experienced to the social changes as you go from being able to make plans on a whim to packing diaper bags and car seats. Having a baby can trigger old childhood traumas that we though were buried deep down, or more recent losses from IVF appointments not going as planned. Don’t bottle it up, you and your baby deserve better than that.

PMAD Myths

1. Myth: Postpartum is hormonal
   Fact: Postpartum Mood and Anxiety disorders can result from a variety of reasons; from lack of support to yes, hormones. Your body is going through massive changes, not just in terms of hormones. Having a child can be one of the greatest stressors experienced. Now, the common misconception is that stress is all bad, which is yet another myth—tell me that planning your last vacation was not stressful. Dealing with such a massive change on your own can be overwhelming so lets get you that support through counseling that will help curb this early on.

2. Myth: Only women get postpartum depression
   Fact: Both women AND men can experience Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders. Research has demonstrated that both men and women experience massive changes after the birth of a baby emotionally, socially, and biologically. In fact, 1 in 5 women experience PMADs and 1 in 10 men will experience PMADs. Because of this, it is so important that you seek therapy or counseling so that you can actually enjoy these coming years.

3. Myth: You only get Postpartum with your first child
   Fact: You can get PMADs after the first, third, seventh, tenth, and all the children in between. Research shows that parents that are adopting have also been known to experience PMADs. As mentioned above, PMADs are not just linked to hormones, they’re linked to the massive change in your social and emotional world. This can occur at any time, even if you have never experienced it before. And if you have experienced a mood or anxiety disorder in teh past, there is a higher likelihood of reexperiencing a PMAD, and your prior experience may even help you in seeing the signs and seeking out therapy early.

4. Myth: Parents that have had a perinatal loss do not experience PMADs
   Fact: having had a perinatal loss at any stage of pregnancy does not make you immune. Whether it was struggling to conceive or loss after

5. Myth: Having Postpartum means you’re a bad parent
   Fact: This is not even a myth, it’s an outright lie. We all need support sometimes, especially when it comes to something as important as parenting. If anything, seeking help to address these makes you among the strongest, most courageous new parents of them all. So call Coral Counseling to get signed up with evidence-based practices that will actually be supportive of you as you find the best way to raise your baby.